How to create a bachelorette type romance in your relationship

Although the Bachelor has been on for many years, I never got into it until a couple of seasons ago.  I just didn't get how one person could (genuinely) fall in love with multiple people at the same time. At first, I thought it was all manufactured for the cameras.  And maybe it is, but I also see how the circumstances could produce the strong feelings of attachment and connection with others.  After watching a couple seasons, I've identified a romance creation formula that seems to work with a high level of success. Unfortunately, when you remove elements the formula, the dynamics of the relationship changes. This may explain why the pairings have such a poor success rate after the cameras stop rolling and the formula is removed.

But even though the show hasn't yet mastered the formula for lasting love, I do think we can learn how to create spark and attraction in our current relationships.  What we have going for us, that they don't, are solid foundations.  The people on the show are just getting to know each other. You might have been with your partner for years. Your foundation has already been formed. Now it's about adding that layer of intrigue and excitement based on the Bachelor's formula from the experts at creating love.

Environment + Experience
One thing The Bachelor show does well is schedule a series of dates, each in a unique and special location.  The lucky couple gets to enjoy breath taking views and new landscapes.  Their dates tend to be centered around a fun activity or a new location/experience.  Why? Because these types of dates generate strong feelings of fun and excitement.  Couple that with the newness of the relationship and you have a recipe for emotions to form.

In your current relationship, think about the last time the two of you did something a little adventurous.  A simple change in environment can do wonders for sparking up excitement and romance.  Speaking of romance, the Bachelor franchise is known for putting together some of the most romantic evenings on television. Evening dates usually involve ball gowns, tuxedos and dinner by candle light.

Ask yourself when the last time you took your significant other on a date that the two of you will talk about for years to come. I heard a young man say once that one key to lasting relationships is creating great stories together.  Great stories are the wonderful experiences that you guys talk about over and over.  Ideally, you shouldn't let too much time go by without enjoying a "story creating moment."  The more frequently you have them, the better.

When you fill the room up with attractive people, of course sparks are gonna fly.  Not only are the Bachelor contestants attractive, they look really sharp. Both men and women respond positively to someone who takes pride in their appearance.  Maybe subconsciously, they feel like you put in the extra attention for them and they appreciate it.  If you live with your significant other, it becomes too easy to fall into the rut of lounging around in bummy house clothes and messy hair.  I know that most men say they prefer you when you're dressed down, but don't get it twisted, if you put a little more effort in your physical presentation he'll respond well.  This doesn't mean that you have to wear a full face of make up and a sparkly gown. Just perfect your signature look even for those days when you don't have an adventure planned.

On the bachelor/ette, the couple goes on this wonderful date, then are separated for an undisclosed amount of time until they meet again.  You can pull this off during the dating phase, but if you live with your love, you guys see each other all the time.  Even if you're madly in love, some of the passion will eventually wear off.  To replicate scarcity in your relationship, supplement your life with activities that don't involve your significant other.  This creates a bit of independence which is attractive to men.  Men love the chase, which is why so many of them claim to fall in love with bachelorette. They love the thrill of competition to win the woman's heart.  You too should have other interests so your only focus isn't the guy in your life.  
On the bachelor, whenever they have an exceptionally adventurous date, there's always a segment after the date, when the couple sits on a blanket and enjoys a loving conversation while sharing a glass of wine.  You will never see a bachelor date where they go to the movies.  That doesn't make for great t.v. and, more importantly, it doesn't allow for those moments where the couple expresses how they feel about each other.  If you're like most couples, you probably end most nights watching t.v. or laying next to each other while scrolling through your cell phones.  If you want to reignite the passion in your relationship, you've got to create opportunities to talk, otherwise you'll slowly morph into that older couple at the restaurant that eats their food in silence. The easiest way to create moments for conversations is to go on a simple walk.  You can also start your morning with great conversation before jumping out of bed.  It's all about sneaking in moments where you can speak to each other, eye to eye, as often as possible.

 When I used to coach managers on how to build a strong team, I'd repeat one mantra over and over again.  I'd ask them to think of their operation as best as complex as the human body.  Communication is like the blood that delivers nutrient rich oxygen to keep us alive.  Without effective communication, relationships die. On the bachelor, all they do is sit around and talk about how they feel about each other.  It's no wonder they fall in love with someone they've just met only a few months earlier.  When your reaffirm how you fell about someone, your feelings for that person grows.  Pair that with amazing experiences shared by two beautiful people and you have the recipe for a whirlwind romance.

1 comment

  1. I think the carefully curated, overly-thought out dates and intimate moments that make The Bachelor/ette participants fall in love so quickly are exactly the reason their relationships fail once they get back to the "real world." Unless you have unlimited resources (like a Network television budget) and a ton of time, those types of interactions are rare in real life. And you can't have a real and lasting relationship that was created in unrealistic circumstances. But I digress. I agree with you about the importance of communication though. Thinking of it is "the life's blood" of a relationship is a very good analogy.


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